Some years ago, I mentored students in a Master of Fine Arts
in Creative Writing program. These were highly gifted, extremely
motivated people, and it wasn’t hard to see where
they could be in ten years if they stuck with it. On the other
hand, they were virtually blind when it came to imagining
their future selves. They already knew who they were, thank
you very much. Some saw themselves as much better writers
than they could possibly have been at that point in the journey.

Others were convinced that, no matter how hard they
tried, they were doomed to failure. My primary job as a
mentor was to help them topple these false self-images, which
were blocking their way forward.

But this toppling process was painful—a kind of death.
Whether they suffered from bravado or from an inferiority
complex, they’d become dependent on this self-made identity.
The thought of letting go caused both grief and fear. Yet as
Jesus points out in these mysterious lines from John, “unless
a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just
a grain of wheat.” What has to crumble before we can be born
anew is the image we’ve created of ourselves. Great adventures
lie ahead, but we can only taste and see what God has prepared
for us if we’re able to accept ourselves as we actually
are: neither perfected nor defective, but instead, overflowing
with potential.

Like grains, which—though tiny—contain universes.

Paula Huston

Paula Huston is a longtime Camaldolese Benedictine oblate and the
author of ten books. Her most recent titles are One Ordinary Sunday:
A Meditation on the Mystery of the Mass and The Hermits of
Big Sur. For more information on her work, please visit her website
at paulahuston.com.