When We’ve Done Our Best.

Many years ago, one of my closest friends committed suicide— this, despite all my efforts to dissuade him. In the wake of his passing, I struggled with overwhelming grief, then anger, and finally what seemed like a permanent state of dull and unrelenting guilt. If only I’d been wiser, more persistent, more loving. If only I’d known the exact words that might have persuaded him. If only, if only, if only.

However, as the decades passed and I experienced more of life’s inexplicable tragedies, I was finally able to accept losing him—and accept the fact that I couldn’t have saved him, no matter how I tried. As Psalm 139 puts it, we are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” complex and mysterious beings who act for a myriad of reasons that are sometimes obscure even to ourselves. Throughout life, salvation requires that we trustfully put ourselves in the hands of another at the very moments we are most frightened and vulnerable. That anyone surrenders in this way is a genuine miracle.

Jesus wanted to spare his disciples unnecessary anguish and self-blame when the gift of life they came to offer was turned down. He wanted them—and us—to understand that when we’ve done our best, we should not despair when our loving efforts are rejected. The world is waiting, and countless others are thirsting for what we have to give.

Paula Huston. Taken from Give Us This Day.

Paula Huston is a Benedictine Camaldolese oblate and the author of two novels and seven works of spiritual nonfiction. Her most recent book is One Ordinary Sunday: A Meditation on the Mystery of the Mass (Ave Maria Press).